Every month I use the chalkboard my grandmother learned to write on to display a quote in our office. This is the quote I chose for April.
“You’re not healing to be able to handle the trauma. You’re used to trauma. You’re healing to be able to handle the joy.”
When I first read this quote, I felt it deep in my bones. Martha Beck in her book, “The Way of Integrity,” wrote that when we hear truth our bodies respond and in reading this I noticed my body responding. Beck says, “The body’s reaction to recognizing truth is relaxation, a literal, involuntary release of muscle tension.”
I am learning to listen to my body. At times I am amazed at how adept I have become at ignoring the information my body faithfully tries to provide me. Years of feeling one way and being told what I was feeling was wrong became generalized to my body as well. The first time I saw merchandise for sale with catchy slogans about vibes I just shook my head. I honestly did not think that vibes were a thing. It’s funny because as an empath, I have spent a lifetime picking up vibes. My nervous system is a shining example of the evolutionary process at work.
My healing has brought new information to my awareness. Normal is taking on new meaning as I more fully understand the many ways that my upbringing was more dysfunctional than normal. At this point in my healing, I am finding myself more comfortable with sadness than joy, loneliness than happiness. More at home with misery than contentment.
I secretly made fun and joy my goal for 2024. I have been quietly seeking out joyful things and it is making me miserable. Kurt and I went to visit family in February, we went with his brother and wife to the horse races at Keeneland in Lexington, Kentucky in April. We just returned from a camping trip in South Carolina where we enjoyed time with our daughter. I painted pottery with a new, special friend and I am attending a weekly yoga class for the sheer fun of it. So joy it is! Bring it on! Give me all you have joy! It will make me uncomfortable; it will force me toward more healing, but I am up for the challenge. I am not healing to be able to handle the trauma, that is normal for me, I am healing to be able to handle the joy, just for the joy of it.
I watched a video on Reels about healing the child within and the individual was scheduling one hour a week to do something she would have enjoyed as a child. It got me thinking, what did I like to do as a kid? I have started a list of things Little Annie found fun and exciting.
Swimming
Hunting for 4-leaf clovers in the grass.
Make-believe play.
Spending time in my head with my imagination.
Playing games.
Playing with pets and dressing up my cats in doll clothes (I am thinking about dressing up our cat Myrtle, but I am wondering if that would be fun or dangerous).
Outsiders, are you more comfortable with negative emotions than positive ones? Did you feel your body let go of some tension when you read the quote above? Are you finding ways to incorporate fun into your life? If so what brings you joy? Message me directly or reply below. Let’s talk about the ways we are moving toward joy. As always, we are in this together, no longer alone. We are Outside Together.
I am making Hotbrowns for the Derby today, so that is fun, thanks for being a part of my journey and allowing me to join you on yours.
“I have been quietly seeking out joyful things and it is making me miserable.” What a great insight. Everything about this is powerful and inspiring.