To acknowledge that I am enough is a way of being that is both accepting of my current state and recognizing my own opportunities for growth. It is dynamic and not static. To say I am enough is to also concede that for some people I never will be and that says less about me and more about them. I still have work to do. I am learning to accept that I will make mistakes. I cannot be all things to all people. Essentially, embracing the I am enough concept is to fully grasp that I am not and can never be enough for others and that is ok.
This idea of being enough has been occupying my thought life as of late. I see it everywhere. And although it seems a straightforward and simple concept, I struggle with this idea. I desperately want it to be true. Although, I will admit that it is still more fantasy than reality. I am an INFJ and with this Myers-Briggs letter combination I can swiftly go from thinking to over thinking without even breaking a sweat. So, bear with me as I take a deep dive into our newest “self-help” mantra.
I am enough. Three simple words that carry in them the hopeful message of freedom. Freedom from a life lived solely in response to the perceived expectations of others. Living fully into who you are and what you want to be. This is what humanism in the 1970’s defined as having an internal locus of control. This idea that “I am ok, because I am ok.” A living out of the truth inside rather than looking outside for the approval of others. In contrast an external locus of control which is a “I am ok because you say I am ok” way of being in the world. I am enough, is an anthem of the soul. It is choice to love and accept yourself, blemishes, and all.
Our culture is dominated by an external locus of control. A quick scroll through social media is proof that we measure ourselves based upon what other’s think of us. A like, a retweet, a comment or message and we feel good, and the lack of these outward signs of approval leave us feeling dejected. This is especially true for women. Women have long been judged by their appearance. The demands placed on women today are completely untenable. Not only are women required to take care of the home and kids, but work, have a career, exercise, eat right, maintain the perfect body weight, and do all of this with the ease and grace that is often portrayed on social media, which I would remind you is not “real.” Can I only be enough if I am successfully meeting all these unrealistic expectations? And if this is how I am measuring my enoughness than am I living within an external locus of control?
When we hear I am enough, from an external locus of control we can demand that others accept us just as we are because after all we are enough. Can you see that in doing this we are still placing our enoughness in the hands of others? You must accept me! Is another way of saying I can only be enough if you say that I am enough, so I am going to make you see me as enough? In doing so we have missed the point. To be enoughthen, requires that I understand that for some people I will never be.
If this is true, then what does being enough look like in real life? This is what I am working on understanding deep down inside. I am starting with self-acceptance. I am practicing every day, hearing my own negative self-talk, and then challenging myself to dispute the harsh and unkind words that I say to myself in my head. I think I have misconstrued this to mean that someday I would finally “get it all together” then I could accept myself. That self-acceptance is possible only when I finally meet my own unrealistic high standards. I tell myself I am pushing myself towards excellence but, I am just bullying myself into conformity. I have been missing the point. I have been working to make myself acceptable so that I can be enough. I see now to accept myself as enough, is not contingent on my doing but rather my being. To be enough is to, recognize I never will be. I will sometimes fail, I will often say the wrong thing, I will be petty, I will miss the mark, I will be tired and not have my usual patience, all these things that have kept me from loving myself will continue to pop up in my life. Is seeing myself as enough then a pass on future growth? Is it complacency? I don’t think so. It is more of a gentle push in the right direction. It is a kind inner word after a disappointment. It is a holding to high realistic standards with room for grace and generous tenderness.
Today I proclaim, I am enough! I fully accept the fact that I am an imperfect, fallible human with a multitude of limitations. In recognizing my enoughness I am acknowledging that there will be many times that according to outside measures I will not be enough, that’s ok and that is most certainly human.