The Open Road

At the Corner of Freedom and Independence

I recently drove to South Carolina to visit my daughter and her husband. I find myself smiling as I remember the visit. The few pictures I took on my phone are a tangible reminder of my time in Spartanburg. Although traveling takes something out of me it gives me so much more. I love going on a trip by myself.  I love the independence of the open road.

I have a complicated relationship with independence. Growing up in my family, being independent, self-sufficient, and caring for myself was both necessitated and disparaged.  I was placed in many situations where I got the message loud and clear that if I needed something, I would have to find a way to provide it myself.  This led to a hyper-independence that can make it hard to ask for help or let others into my life.  Independence was not a celebrated characteristic in my home.  I was made fun of and shamed for being too independent.  My parents’ need for my dependence on them was misaligned with their generally undependable nature. As a child and adolescent, I was often left floundering while navigating an adult world.  Having figured out how to take care of myself I would be later criticized for my independence.  This was a confusing way to grow up. For, if on the other hand, I did not take care of myself and my brother then I was labeled as “irresponsible.”

Traveling to South Carolina by myself feels like freedom. I am used to doing things by myself and I like being alone. Self-sufficiency was instilled in childhood. Although my parents wanted me to be fully dependent upon them, they often proved unreliable.  There were many things I wanted to do as a teen or even as a college kid that I was not allowed to do.  Opportunities that were denied with no real explanation. Driving by myself takes me back to that little girl, that teenager, that young adult who was so controlled. I feel accomplished, confident, and free when I drive the 307 miles from my door to my daughter’s. 

Why is freedom so important to me?  As humans, we need both the security of community and independence.  Virginia Todd Holeman puts it this way, “The capacity to be an ‘I’ while remaining connected to significant others.” Being an “I” was frowned upon in my family. 

I am independent.  I do love my independence and driving by myself gives me a freedom that is hard to explain. 

Afoot and light-hearted

I take to the open road.

Healthy, free the world before me.

The long brown path before me.

Leading wherever I choose.

By: Walt Whitman

Here’s to the open road and where it takes me next!