You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch
Gratitude, Chocolate, and Finding Joy this Season
MAX. HELP ME... I'm FEELING. I dreamed about the Grinch a few nights ago. The dream is a little fuzzy, but he was green and furry and well kind of a Grinch. I was preparing for some kind of a talk, the ideas swirling around in my head so fast that I was unable to capture them and put them in my presentation. I was looking for one more prop when I encountered the Grinch. I was trying to find ways to incorporate him into my talk with no luck when I awoke.
Upon awaking I did what I always do after dreaming something unique, especially if I remember a color like the Grinch’s green fur, I googled it. Into the search bar I entered, “dream about the Grinch.” And after the ads for the various movies over the years there was a couple of dream sites featuring dreams about the Grinch. Predictably, seeing the Grinch in your dream can indicate a dread of the holidays, a negative attitude. But, as I continued I read, “This dream could also suggest that you feel like an outsider during festive occasions or social gatherings.” As the outsider that made a lot of sense. It went on “Seeing yourself as the Grinch in your dream might be a sign of self-reflection, urging you to examine any negative attitudes or behavior patterns that could be hindering your own joy and connection with others.” Although, I was not the Grinch in my dream this interpretation resonated with me. As an INFJ I am almost always in some form of self-reflection and with the holidays in full swing, the 2nd full year of intentional estrangement from my family, and fears of the next four years looming, that seemed true. I am trying hard to find the joy this holiday season while at the same time not giving wings to all my fears. And like the Grinch I am unsettled by all my feelings.
As I continued to read, another interpretation caught my eye, “Alternatively, encountering the Grinch character might serve as a warning against being too cynical or isolating yourself from joyful experiences. Its essential to find balance between protecting yourself and allowing positive energy into your life.” The advice given was to “try focusing on cultivating gratitude and compassion toward others.” I found this so interesting because just a few days prior while reading Ann Lamott’s book “Somehow,” I had highlighted this passage:
If I can get a word to my grandson form the other side when I am gone, I will whisper to him when he is in trouble to make a gratitude list-no snakes in the room, yay!-then do his chores, be kind to himself, be of service, get outside and breathe. This is the launch code for when under attack: gratitude, chores, chocolate, service, breath, nature. (pg.87)
Waking up early in the morning being unable to return to sleep is one of the more subtle symptoms of anxiety. There are all the familiar symptoms of anxiety, sweaty palms, rapid heart rate, thinking of the future in terms of worst-case scenario. I see these all the time in my clients and have noted them in myself. I thought I was managing my anxiety well. I have been actively working to limit my access to the news. I have stopped playing games on my phone, except Wordle, I am not a robot. I am reading more, enjoying the Bronte sister, I just finished Agnes Grey. I am trying not to numb, seeking to be present. I thought I was doing ok and yet I have been waking up between 3:30 and 4:00am with my eyes wide open unable to return to sleep. This development along with the dream has made me realize there is still anxiety lingering below the surface. For all my work to not focus on the what if’s of the next presidential term my subconscious is fearful all the same.
Dreams don’t usually make logical sense, but I am a strong believer in the idea that they help us to better understand the things our subconscious is struggling with. I have been in the habit for the last several years looking up the unique things I remember from my dreams. I take in some of what I read and let the parts that do not seem to align go. I use it as a journaling prompt and for further reflection.
Both the dream analysis and what I read from Anne Lamott seemed to provide me a way forward, a gameplan for the coming months and years. It starts with gratitude. Being thankful for what I have right now. Being mindful, holding onto WHAT IS, rather that following the WHAT IFS down the rabbit holes. Holding space for others, having compassion for their unique journeys, and getting about the business of my life. Being intentional with finding joy and holding onto it.
I bought an Advent calendar this year. You know the ones with the little windows you open each day as you count down to Christmas morning. I wanted to celebrate the joy of each day. And if there just happens to be a little piece of chocolate each day, well there is joy. I haven’t explained the rules to Kurt yet but the first one to open the window, gets the chocolate.
Gratitude is a great place to start. I think Lou Lou Who said it best, “I'm glad he took our presents. You can't hurt Christmas, Mr. Mayor, because it isn't about the... the gifts or the contest or the fancy lights. That's what Cindy's been trying to tell everyone... and me. I don't need anything more for Christmas than this right here: my family. “
I am so thankful for my husband and our amazing kids. Being with them will fill me with all kinds of emotions and I will be grateful for the ability to feel them all.